miserable

rat rat hadn't been doing so good lately. sunday night she was stumbling around and falling over and was just a mess. monday i had the day off. i called the vet and took her in. she had a tumor and the vet said there were noting but bad days ahead for her. i had her put to sleep. i bawled my eyes out the whole time. i was glad i got to sit with her and kiss her head while she went.

the vet offered to do a cremation but it would be with a group of other animals. i know when my mom worked at an animal hospital in new jersey they told people that stuff and then just dumped them in landfills.

i took rat rat home with me. i'm glad i didn't get pulled over. i was driving around in the storm looking for a place to park with no license and a dead rat in my purse. right now she's in my freezer waiting till the snow melts so i can take her to winslow and bury her next to my pony.

i'm literally sick from everything that's happened in the past few months. i'm just waiting to get hit by a car or be diagnosed with cancer.
  • Current Mood
    nauseated nauseated

(no subject)

last night i went to the asylum cause i had a day of show campaign to do for my old internship for the bakerton group. hung out with joe, josh, and miranda. got sleepy and fell asleep on the couch there for a bit. harley came later on to walk me home. we ran into ryan and this other kid max. bed at 1:30am. i'm sleepy today.

80's night most likely tonight. i'm becoming a bubba's regular.
  • Current Music
    david bowie

pity party

this is pretty much going to be a life sucks entry. work is frustrating the hell outta me. i hate my job. i hate how no one else can do shit and it all falls on me. i hate how i feel like i'm going nowhere.

i'm stuck in portland with only a couple friends that only want to spend time with me when it's convenient. one of those said friends i've been in love with since high school. the other night we had sex. the next day he told me he was interested in someone else. fuck my life.

rat rat is sick and dying. she shakes, pants, and can barely move around her cage. she's skinny as shit. with out her i'm completely alone.

pretty much what it all comes down to is i'm beyond depressed and lonely. oh ya and broke.
  • Current Music
    between the buried and me

(no subject)

more bills keep rolling in...

i feel so emotionally removed from everyone. the past few months have fucked with my head. i'm glad everything is over but i fucking miss him just the same. i keep thinking about the summer we went to montauk. those were some of the happiest days of my life.

i finally got a new phone. same one i had before just new and actually works.
made the most amazing hummus last night. it was a feast, miller high life and all. plus i can't say how much i love nick and nora's infinate playlist.

still having really vivid nightmares involving mike. the last one i found him in the old apartment. he had shot himself in the head. somehow he was still alive and talking to me. i went into the bed room and found our baby with his head blow off in the crib. needless to say the whole dream was a gorey mess.
  • Current Music
    band of horses

(no subject)

i chopped off all my hair. it feels amazing.

in other news.. i'm completely broke this month.
  • Current Music
    madonna-like a prayer

(no subject)

friday i got all 80's up and went to bubbas. i tore that dance floor up in my lovely pink cocktail dress. i've never had so many compliments in my whole life lol.

saturday i woke with a cold. my nose kept running and my eyes were watering like crazy. eventually they started to swell shut. i went to panera bread for dinner since mo gave me a gift card for valentines day. later i went out with big joe for ice cream.

sunday i hung out with big joe. we walked all day. it was so gorgeous out.

monday i had work off. my battery in my phone finnaly called it quits and won't charge. i had to order a new one and untill then i have a trac phone. so lame. later on i hung out with bob. went to bed early.

still have this cold but i'm all congested now, not really runny. my ears are a little tender so i hope i'm not getting an ear infection. getting a hair cut today. i dunno if i want to just get it trimmed or go all out and chop it all off. i surveyed my friends but almost everyone said no. i'm still thinking of taking the plunge.
  • Current Music
    muse

(no subject)

manda isn't coming. valentines day is tomorrow. plan on taking myself out to dinner and drinking gin and tonics. for some reason my sore throat is coming back.
  • Current Mood
    weird weird

(no subject)

vegan cookies do not come out like real cookies. i'm allergic to some weird indian food spice, hence not breathing right for the past 12 hours.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained

(no subject)

hung out with evan last night. watched the new btbam dvd. going to the vegan potluck tonight. it's incredably warm today. i know it won't last but i wish it would.
  • Current Music
    m.i.a